Monty: His Part in My Victory by Spike Milligan

Author:Spike Milligan
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9789085241522
Publisher: For the Benefit of Mr. Kite
Published: 1975-12-31T16:00:00+00:00

June 5th, Friday 1943

“There’s wild pigs, up the mountain,” the information was imparted by one Mahmoud, an Arab who came scrounging fags and whose head was therefore a mass of lumps; he would act as our guide if we wished. A pig for dinner? Marvellous, none of us were Jewish. Al Fildel diary reads:

Sgt Dawson and party set off with rifles and ammu, have dug 3 graves.

We left at 1900 hrs and were taken up a mountain path that brought us to a plateau, we arrived as the light faded. We climbed a tree and waited. Midnight. All fags gone. We were losing hope, Suddenly, Mahmoud let off a terrifying Arab fart. “Christ!” said Jordy Dawson. “No wonder the Crusaders lost.” I fell out of the tree laughing, the hunt was over. We trudged back to the camp fire, Bombardier Deans was sharpening a carving knife - “You tell ‘im Sarge; you’re biggest.” Deans took the news well and tried to commiserate saying ‘You’re a lot of cunts – we could have gone to bed whereupon Gunner Edgington accidentally looses off round that nearly parts Bombardier Deans’ hair. “That bloody does it,” said Deans.

The night was saved from complete disaster by things called Sausages.

We ate in silence. “Pass the wine,” said Edge who, himself, has been passing wine for months. Sgt Dawson was occupied with a whisky bottle, trying to wean himself off food.

“After the war, I’m going back to my old job,” said Gunner Shipman.

“What old job?”

“Any old fucking job…”

Finally at about three in the morning the chilly night air drove us to our beds. An unforgettable day.

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